Let’s talk about a dirty word that causes quite a bit of confusion, anger, interpersonal strife, and self-hatred.
It’s not the sort of dirty word that will get you kicked out of classrooms or make people gasp in church. In fact, it’s taught as a good thing. And that’s what leads to a whole mess of problems.
That word is responsible.
Why is responsible a bad word? Because it conflates two very different concepts: ownership, and blame.*
Ownership means that you are taking control of a situation. You are the one who will handle it going forward. If something gets done, it’s because you did it, or effectively delegated and followed up on it. You will be accountable – even if only to yourself.
Blame means that something that has gone wrong is your fault. You screwed up or committed a transgression. You are somehow a bad person.
Blame implies judgement and moral condemnation.… Read more