Self Helping Yourself

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persuasion

How to Stop Making Enemies (Part 2 of 2)

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Stop Making Enemies - Man With Bullhorn

Stop making enemies. That’s even more important than the process of winning over allies that I described In Part 1 of this essay.

If you haven’t read Part 1, make sure to do that now. Especially about how in discussion, some people have a paradigm of exchanging information and persuasion, and some have a paradigm of scoring points in an imaginary game of “Who’s the worse person.”

It’s Hard to Make Allies

When I went over the process of how to win over allies, I didn’t mention two major drawbacks:

It’s difficult.

And it’s time-consuming.

It necessarily needs to be done one person at a time. You have to take the time to listen to them, make the effort to understand, and figure out how to present your position in a way that will connect with them.

And there’s a good chance this is someone you find distasteful or are irritated by in the first place.… Read more

How to Win Allies (Part One of Two)

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Win Allies

It’s better to win allies than create enemies.

That’s something that seems self-evident.

Allies help you. Enemies fight against you.

With every ally you win, your side becomes stronger. With every enemy you create, the other side becomes stronger, which means your side is comparatively weaker.

Win enough allies, and there’s no meaningful opposition left, which makes your victory automatic. Create enough enemies, and your defeat is assured.

All this sounds obvious.  But when it comes to disagreements, people tend to forget it. It is much more common for someone to attack, insult, shame, and blame, than to politely and respectfully try to persuade someone. In other words, they’re actively trying to create enemies rather than allies.

Having a Different Opinion Doesn’t Mean You Have to Argue

When you are communicating with someone you don’t agree with, what is your goal?

First of all, note that I didn’t say “argument.” I said “communicating with someone you don’t agree with.”… Read more

Other People’s Perspectives

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I recently wrote up a blog post. When I reviewed it, I wasn’t very happy with what I had written. So I went through to rewrite it, trying to change the tone, cutting or altering sections that didn’t seem to work, and tweaking it over and over again. But still, something didn’t seem right.

Eventually I decided that I could keep working on it forever, but instead I needed to just finish it and accept that it wasn’t my best work. Which is fine. Not everything can be my best work – That’s why it’s called my best work. And by definition 50% of what I write will be below my average quality. So I did the final layout, added photos, and scheduled the post to go live the next morning.

Just before I went to bed that night, I realized what it was that was bothering me. The post was about how a certain belief that some people have about nutrition and weight loss is wrong.… Read more