These are rules that I try to live my life by, truisms about the world, and various philosophical points that I’ve learned over my life. While I’ve written them as general rules, it’s important to note that they only represent my perspective. If you disagree with any of them, that’s fine. We all have our own views, and it’s okay for different people to have different opinions. (In fact, that’s one of the rules.)
Outlook
- The world is getting better all the time.
- The more agency we believe we have in our lives, the more we will have. This isn’t through any sort of mystical force, but through psychological factors such as taking initiative, bettering ourselves and our circumstances, etc.
- If you believe you have control over your own life, that’s true. If you believe you don’t have control over your own life, that’s also true. These are both self-fulfilling prophecies.
- Anger and hate hurt yourself far more than the target of your anger/hate. This is especially true when your hate is directed toward a politician/celebrity that doesn’t even know you exist.
- The more time and energy you dedicate to complaining, the less happy you will be. The more you focus on good things, the happier you will be.
Beliefs
- Everyone really believes what they believe. Everyone thinks their beliefs are correct and that if you hold contrary beliefs, you are wrong.
- Everyone is wrong about some are their closely held beliefs. This includes me. (Of course I don’t know which specific beliefs are wrong, or I wouldn’t hold them. But since I’m not perfect, I can’t be right about everything.)
- People can be wrong without being evil or stupid.
- It’s okay for different people to have different beliefs.
- On any controversial issue, there are good people who are smarter than you and me that hold the opposing view. (There are also good people that are smarter than you and me who agree with us.)
- It’s okay to change your mind. That’s called learning and growing.
- It’s okay to not have an opinion on an issue. When you don’t have enough knowledge or understanding about an issue to come up with a legitimately informed opinion, admitting you have no opinion is better than making an uninformed opinion. This is true on political matters as well as technical matters. (I have no opinion on quantum physics, and I have no opinion on how to bring about peace in the Middle East.)
- Nobody likes to feel like a fool or a jerk. Any compelling evidence you present that someone has been a fool or a jerk will make them go into denial, double down, and fight back.
- It is incredibly difficult to change someone’s mind about something they passionately believe. Most attempts to do so will backfire and leave them believing that even harder.
- Never argue on the internet.
- Most people are generally good and decent, including those with different political beliefs, religions, nationalities, viewpoints, etc.
Interpersonal
- Everyone is the hero of their own story.
- Everyone thinks they’re in the right in every interaction.
- Nobody ever wins an argument. Arguments only end in fatigue and resentment.
- Be friendly and genuine with people. It will make them be friendly and genuine to you in return, more helpful to you, and will make you happier in general.
- Treat everyone with kindness and respect, whether or not they “deserve” it.
- In relationships, remember that you’re a team. Think “us,” not “me.”
- In a relationship, the goal is your mutual happiness and success.
- Admit when you are wrong.
- Sometimes apologizing and accepting blame even if you don’t believe you’re wrong can bring about a better outcome. Don’t be stubborn.
- Don’t attack or blame people.
- Don’t yuck someone’s yum. If someone likes something you don’t, let them enjoy it without you complaining about the things you dislike.
Living
- The habits we build are how we live our lives.
- What we do every day matters more than what we do once in a while. (I stole that from Gretchen Rubin.)
- Learn how to spend money on things that make you happier and improve your life.
- Changes to our lives need to be sustainable.
- Plans for the future are just meaningless fantasy if you aren’t actively moving toward them.
- Life is what happens while you’re waiting for life to happen. (Yeah, that’s a trite saying, but it’s true.)
- Making a little progress is better than making no progress.
- Doing something 30% is better than not doing it at all.
- Don’t spend so long researching and planning that you never get around to doing.
- Don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good.
- If you fail but learn how to do better next time, you haven’t really failed.
- It is often better to call something good enough and complete it, rather than spend an unreasonable amount of time trying to improve it and never finishing it.
- Just visualizing success makes you less likely to achieve your goals. Visualizing what you need to do to achieve success makes you more likely to achieve your goals. Even better if you visualize roadblocks, difficulties, and failures, and how you will overcome them.
- Don’t throw water on a grease fire just so you can “do something.” If you encounter a problem or crisis and anything you have the ability to do or can think of doing will only make it worse, it’s better to do nothing.
