Self Helping Yourself

Self Improvement Made Easy

How to Stop The Spread of Social Media Garbage

by 2 Comments

Social Media Garbage

Social media garbage is something we’re all interested in stopping, but we all consider to be someone else’s fault and therefore someone else’s responsibility.

I wrote a Twitter thread with some thoughts I had on this, and decided to turn that into a short post. Since it was already written, I’m posting it before part two of How to Win Allies.

How I Was Fooled by Social Media Garbage

I have a confession to make.

Recently I laughed at a photo a friend posted, that made people I’m not a fan of look ridiculous.

Later that night, it occurred to me I had no evidence the photo was real. The more I thought about it, the more obvious it seemed that it was fake.

But I fell for it because it matched the stereotypes I have of “the other side.”

This is exactly the sort of social media garbage I always warn against.… Read more

How to Win Allies (Part One of Two)

by 5 Comments

Win Allies

It’s better to win allies than create enemies.

That’s something that seems self-evident.

Allies help you. Enemies fight against you.

With every ally you win, your side becomes stronger. With every enemy you create, the other side becomes stronger, which means your side is comparatively weaker.

Win enough allies, and there’s no meaningful opposition left, which makes your victory automatic. Create enough enemies, and your defeat is assured.

All this sounds obvious.  But when it comes to disagreements, people tend to forget it. It is much more common for someone to attack, insult, shame, and blame, than to politely and respectfully try to persuade someone. In other words, they’re actively trying to create enemies rather than allies.

Having a Different Opinion Doesn’t Mean You Have to Argue

When you are communicating with someone you don’t agree with, what is your goal?

First of all, note that I didn’t say “argument.” I said “communicating with someone you don’t agree with.”… Read more

What Victory Tastes Like

by Leave a Comment

Weight Loss Habit cover for What Victory Tastes Like

“What Victory Tastes Like” is the epilogue to The Weight Loss Habit.

This is the final day of the Weight Loss Habit takeover of the site, celebrating the book’s release this week.

For those of you uninterested in weight loss content, I promise I’ll get back to the regular Self-Improvement Made Easy content with my next post.

Don’t forget to buy your copy of The Weight Loss Habit.

What Victory Tastes Like

The Weight Loss Habit Changes You

I started off this book by quoting Charles Duhigg in The Power of Habit:

“If you believe you can change – if you make it a habit – the change becomes real.

This is the real power of habit:

The insight that your habits are what you choose them to be. Once that choice occurs – and becomes automatic – it’s not only real, it starts to seem inevitable.”

I ended Part One of this book by telling you it will get easier.… Read more

Weight Loss Habit Out Today!

by 1 Comment

Weight Loss Habit

I’ve been talking about it for months, and the day has finally arrived. My book is available for immediate download on Kindle. You can buy it for $6.99, or get it for free through Kindle Unlimited. You can also order the paperback version for $9.99.

This is my first published book, and I’m really excited about it.

It tells the story of how, after spending the first half of my life obese, I figured out the secret to permanent weight loss:

Building easy habits to help reduce the amount of food I ate, and keeping those habits for the rest of my life.

I lost the excess weight, and have kept it off for twenty years. The book tells you how you can do the same.

Of course anyone can tell you to eat less. And since you’re not an idiot, you already knew that was a way to lose weight.… Read more

How a Comedy Sketch Changed My Life (From The Weight Loss Habit)

by 1 Comment

Weight Loss Habit for How a Comedy Sketch Changed My Life

“How a Comedy Sketch Changed My Life” is the prologue of My book The Weight Loss Habit: The No BS, No Gimmick, (Sort of) Easy Way to Lose Weight and Keep It Off Forever, which comes out tomorrow, June 9.

It’s only $6.99 on Kindle or $9.99 on paperback.

I’m copying the prologue here:

My Chubby Childhood

It all started with a comedy sketch.

Let me take a step back.

I was always a chubby kid.

I’d get my clothes from what was politely called the “husky” section.

I was cursed with a slow metabolism, and learned terrible eating habits from my father, who was the kind of guy who would order his corned beef with extra fat, and go back to the buffet for thirds and fourths. (And then needed triple-bypass surgery when he was fifty, and died from heart-failure when he was fifty-seven.)

My family tried to spare my feelings by calling this “baby fat” and complimenting me on my broad shoulders, even though I would have been better served by them teaching me proper eating habits and refusing to stock cookies in the pantry.… Read more

Why Diets Fail (From The Weight Loss Habit)

by 5 Comments

Weight Loss Habit for Why Diets Fail

“Why Diets Fail” is the introduction to my book The Weight Loss Habit: The No BS, No Gimmick, (Sort of) Easy Way to Lose Weight and Keep It Off Forever, which is being released in less than a week. (Tuesday, June 9.)

The book tells the story of how after growing up obese and many failed diets, I figured out strategies to make weight loss easier.

I built these strategies into habits, lost the weight, and have kept the weight off for two decades, without relying on willpower.

I’m posting the introduction here so you can see what the book is about.

Why Diets Fail – The Best Health Advice Isn’t The Best Health Advice For You

This book isn’t going to give you the best health advice.

If your goal is to appear on the cover of fitness magazines or win bodybuilding competitions, stop reading right now. This book isn’t for you.… Read more

Self-Help Advice Can Ruin Your Life

by 5 Comments

Self Help Advice Can Ruin Your Life - House on Fire

Self-help advice can ruin your life.

That is, if you aren’t careful about which advice you follow and how you follow it.

This is why I often take a rather critical view of self-help gurus, in articles like my cornerstone piece Don’t Challenge Yourself! and my recent post You Can’t Solve Problems Through Willpower.

I’ve seen it happen.

I’ve lived through it.

My father completely destroyed everything he held dear by doing things commonly recommended in the bad kinds of self-help books. He went from being wealthy and successful, to broke, unemployed, mooching off friends, and still not having enough money to buy food.

This all happened before self-help books were as popular as they were today. He was making his own terrible decisions and not following anyone else’s advice.

But today I see many gurus recommending others make the same awful choices my father did. While motivational posters seem to find the worst advice imaginable to be inspirational.… Read more

You Can’t Solve Problems With Willpower

by 2 Comments

You can't solve problems through willpower.

You can’t solve problems with willpower. You can’t achieve any of your goals with willpower. You can’t improve yourself or your life through willpower.

You just can’t do it. Don’t even try. If you do try, you’ll just end up failing. And then you’ll hate yourself, because you’ll think your failure was your own fault for not having enough willpower.

I’m sure a lot of people are shocked by this assertion. How can I tell you not to even try? It goes against everything you’ve ever been taught by guidance counselors, self-help books, and motivational posters.

“You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.”

“People on their deathbeds regret the things they didn’t do.”

“If you aim for the moon and miss, you’ll still end up among the stars.” (Which makes no sense astronomically. The closest star besides the sun is 150 million times as far away as the moon.… Read more

Disembarking From the Failboat

by 2 Comments

Failboat

Sometimes we take a ride on the Failboat.

What’s the Failboat?

It’s when nothing you’re doing seems to go right.

Every step forward comes with two steps back.

You screw up everything you touch.

Or maybe it’s not you screwing it up. It’s the world conspiring against you.

Everyone around you is an idiot, and the software you’re trying to use was clearly designed by drunken monkeys, and it can’t do this simple obvious thing that’s like the most basic functionality you’d expect, and nobody’s answering the help chat, and you just spilled coffee on your lap, and that bird outside your window won’t shut up, and you dropped your phone in the toilet, and your computer crashed and you lost that important work document you forgot to save, and you just want to crawl back into bed, except your cat peed on your pillow.

You’re Not Alone

We’ve all had days like this.… Read more

Perfectionism Paralysis can be Beaten by Half-Assing It

by 5 Comments

Perfectionism Paralysis

A lot of us suffer from perfectionism paralysis.

What is perfectionism paralysis? It can rear its ugly head in a few ways.

The first is when we become obsessed with making something we’ve produced perfect. We won’t declare it finished, or release it into the world, until we’re satisfied with it.

But since nothing is ever perfect, we can never complete it. We end up endlessly tweaking it, never gaining the fruits of our labor, and never moving on.

The second is when the paralysis moves a bit more in the literal direction. We reach a point where there’s some aspect or improvement we want to make to a project, but we aren’t quite sure how to do it in the perfect way.

Rather than doing it in a “good enough” way so we can move on and finish, we just stop, never move forward, and never complete the project.

The third is when a certain type of high-achieving personality only wants to do something if they can excel at it.… Read more