Control over your own life is a huge factor in life-satisfaction.
Those who forge their own destiny tend to be pleased with life. Those at the mercy of other people, fate, or the universe tend to be miserable.
What separates those who have control over their own life from those who don’t?
Control over your own life comes from within
One of my rules to live by is:
If you believe you have control over your own life, that’s true. If you believe you don’t have control over your own life, that’s also true. These are both self-fulfilling prophecies.
Obviously external forces create an unequal playing field. Some face a much harder situation than others.
Still, each individual has a choice: They can control their own life, or they can let the world control them.
For example, in my book The Weight Loss Habit I say to accept that it’s unfair, then take ownership over your weight regardless.
I have a terrible metabolism and need to consume half the calories of a normal person to maintain a healthy weight.
That gave me a good excuse why it’s not my fault I was fat. But I chose to build the habit of eating much less food so I could be healthy.
This is why I avoid using the word “responsible.” It mixes up the concepts of blame and ownership.
If someone else (or fate/the universe/nobody) is to blame for a problem, I could say, “That’s not my fault,” and continue to be miserable. Or I could take ownership over fixing it and make my life better.
Because I believe I have ownership, I take action to fix things. If I didn’t think I had control, I wouldn’t even try. So I wouldn’t have control, and my belief would be accurate.
It’s hard to change beliefs
Let’s be realistic. Changing beliefs is hard. It takes time, repetition, or life-altering experiences.
I used to be a cynic who pointed at the unfair world as an excuse for my problems. It took me losing 30% of my body-weight after decades of obesity to shift my attitude.
But Self-Helping Yourself is about making self-improvement easy.
A fact about the human brain: You tend to believe what you say, especially if you repeat it. You can use that to your advantage by convincing yourself you control your own life, which will then become true.
Instead of “I have to” say “I get to” or “I choose to”
An easy way to take control over your own life is to eliminate the phrase “I have to” from your vocabulary.
You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.
You as an individual decide to do every action you take. Nobody controls your mind and forces you.
See your actions as taking advantage of opportunities. They’re positive things you opt to do, not negative things forced onto you.
Reinforce this by saying “I get to…”
You don’t have to go to work. You get to earn money to buy the things you want and need.
You don’t have to change a diaper. You get to raise a child.
You don’t have to get a colonoscopy. You get to use the miracle of modern medical technology to proactively care for your health.
There are some situations where it’s so hard to see any positives it would feel disingenuous saying you “get to” do it. I’m not suggesting you lie to yourself.
In those situations, say that you “choose to” do it.
You choose to pay your taxes. You choose to care for a dying relative. You choose to clean the sewage spill in your living room.
They’re the right thing to do, or the consequences of not doing them are worse than doing them. But you still choose to do them.
Remind yourself they are your choices, and you have control over your own life.
Instead of saying “I don’t have time for” say “I have chosen not to prioritize”
You can’t control how much time is in a day. We all have the same twenty-four hours.
But you can control how you spend that time.
You’ve filled your day with your job, caring for your family, hobbies, keeping your home in order, eating, exercise, perhaps a side-hustle, and some downtime to relax.
Other than your physical need for sleep, everything you spend time on is a choice.
When something comes along you’re too busy for, your problem isn’t lack of time. It’s that you spend your time on other things.
You’ve chosen not to prioritize the thing you aren’t putting on your schedule.
There’s no judgment in that statement. If you already spend so much time caring for your sick mother that you’re cutting back on sleep, you probably shouldn’t make learning to paint a priority.
However, you might realize learning to paint is a higher priority than the hour a day you spend on Facebook, and choose to make room for it.
At least you’ll recognize your time constraints aren’t forced on you by the universe, but are something you choose yourself.
Just as you have control over your own life, you have control over your own time.
Control over your own life is a choice
Control over your own life comes from ownership of your choices.
That doesn’t mean to pretend the world is fair.
It means you have to remember your choices are your choices.
Excuse me. You get to remember your choices are your choices.
You don’t have to do anything. You get to or you choose to.
And if you’re too busy for something, it’s not that you don’t have time. You’ve chosen not to prioritize it.
These shifts in phrasing are the difference between improving your life, and having an excuse for being unhappy.
Which would you prefer?
It’s your choice.
[…] Take Control Over Your Own Life With Two Phrases […]