Who’s to Blame For Your Weight? (Weight Loss Wednesday)

Nobody is, but only you can improve your health

Who’s to blame for your weight?

It’s a question that frequently comes up in discussions of obesity and weight loss.

But it’s the wrong question.

It’s wrong because focusing on blame is always going to be unhelpful.

Any answer to the question ‘who’s to blame for your weight’ will leave you worse off.

Focusing on blame is always going to be unhelpful. Any answer to the question ‘who’s to blame for your weight’ will always leave you worse off.

Instead of blame, you should focus on who it is that can take control of your weight. And the answer to that question is, only you can.

Bullies and misguided people focus on blame for your weight

Let’s take a step back and look at who focuses on blame for your weight.

First there’s bullies. They want to blame you so that they can insult you.

Clearly, it’s preferable to ignore them, and the less said about them the better.

Next there’s misguided people who are trying to be helpful, but just don’t get it.

Often they have Thin Privilege. They have a fast metabolism, and think exercise is fun. Maintaining a healthy weight is easy for them, so they assume it’s easy for everyone.

They give advice that boils down to “Eat healthier and exercise more,” as if we’re all complete idiots who’ve never thought of that.

In trying to encourage us to pursue the solution that in their minds is easy, they end up insulting us for having not already done so.

What they don’t understand is that we’re already trying really hard – usually much harder than they are.

We’re constantly battling our own bodies. Our terrible metabolisms, the way exercise makes us feel miserable, our bad habits. 

The average overweight person puts a lot more effort into maintaining their weight than the average thin person, but people with Thin Privilege don’t understand that.

Instead, they focus on blame, and end up inadvertently insulting us, even when they’re trying to be helpful.

You blame yourself for your weight

The third group that blames us for our weight is ourselves.

You know the pain of self-hatred:

• When you see your body in the mirror.
• When you can’t button your pants because they’re too tight.
• When you step on the scale.
• When you’re too ashamed to take off your shirt to go swimming.
• When you look at the empty dessert plate after polishing off a cake.
• When you get rejected for a date.

You blame yourself for your weight.

Beat yourself up for not doing better.

Find solace in self-deprecating humor.

Post a Facebook meme about what you really need is to hire someone to slap food out of your hands.

And then go eat a tub of ice cream to make yourself feel better.

Blaming yourself, and especially shaming yourself, for your weight, doesn’t work. It only makes the problem worse.

It’s also unhelpful to say you’re not to blame for your weight

But it’s also a bad idea to focus on how you’re not to blame for your weight.

You could keep telling yourself how you have a slow metabolism, find exercise painful, and have it so much harder than other people.

And that may be entirely accurate.

But no matter how true it is, it’s still just making excuses.

That’s fine if your goal is to remain overweight without feeling bad about it.

But absolutely terrible if you’re hoping to lose weight.

Focus on ownership instead of blame

Blaming yourself will demotivate you. Telling yourself you’re not to blame will stop you from improving.

So what’s the solution?

Forget about blame entirely.

This is why I avoid using the word ‘responsible.’ It confuses the ideas of blame and ownership.

You are not to blame for your weight. You were dealt a crap hand by genetics, fate, and your upbringing.

But only you can take ownership over your weight. 

Nobody else is going to do it for you.

It doesn’t matter that you’re not to blame.

So stop thinking about blame, and start taking control of your own life.

You’ll never be able to lose weight until you do.

But once you do, weight loss becomes a whole lot easier.

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