Just a Funny Story About Kittens

Here’s a funny story about kittens.

Yes, I know that’s not what I usually talk about. But I haven’t had any real content this week, other than announcing that I now have affiliate links.*

I’ve been working on a long post that’s about a sensitive issue where I want to take extra care to not be hurtful, and haven’t quite gotten it to the point where it’s ready to be published. (And I’m debating whether I should publish it at all.) I have another post semi-written in my head about giving ourselves a break during the COVID crisis. But now it’s Friday afternoon, which is a terrible time to publish a blog post. So that will have to wait for Monday morning.

But two of my Rules to Live By are “Don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good” and “Doing something 30% is better than not doing it at all.” So rather than letting an entire week go by with no real content on the blog, I’m going to dash off this quick post that’s just a funny story about kittens, post it on a Friday afternoon, and pat myself on the back because that’s better than posting nothing at all.

And hey, maybe I should just pivot to making this blog about kittens entirely. My wife and I regularly watch the Kittisaurus YouTube channel, and they have 1.7 million subscribers and posts with 40 million views, so that seems like a good way to get rich.

* (Also, please click on those affiliate links. And as long as I’m asking you for stuff, please subscribe to the Self Helping Yourself newsletter, follow the site and me on Twitter, and like and follow the site on Facebook.)

Our First Kitten Rescue

Those of you who read the site’s newsletter know that we’ve been fostering a Momma cat and her six kittens. This isn’t a new thing for us.

Last year, our beloved cat Moxie passed away at the age of sixteen. This was devastating for us. We don’t have children, so Moxie was our baby.

A few weeks later, we found three feral kittens. We weren’t ready to replace Moxie, plus my wife was frequently traveling for work and we were both frequently traveling to care for the house we inherited in Tennessee. But none of the rescue organizations we called had space for them. So we decided to foster them and try to find homes for them ourselves.

Because we didn’t want to get too attached to them, and wanted to let their forever parents name them, we gave them the temporary names of One, Two, and Three.

After a few weeks of enjoying three adorable kittens, we found loving homes for them. Their new parents renamed them Tuna, Persephone, and Violet.

How We Became a Two Person Kitten Rescue Organization

This was a wonderfully fulfilling experience. But after this happened, all our friends then knew us as “The kitten people.” So when one of our neighbors saw some stray kittens a few weeks later, she called us. We took in Four and Five, and managed to find homes for them as well. They were renamed Jon Snow and Luna.

Then on a trip to Tennessee, my wife heard a mewling under the house. During a pouring rainstorm, she crawled under the foundation of the house, through mud and myriad creepy crawlies both living and dead, to pull out Six.

We eventually found a home for him, as he was renamed Buckley.

Then we came to Tennessee for the duration of the COVID crisis. A friend called to say that there was a Momma cat with four kittens in her yard, and she was afraid her dogs were going to get them. So of course we agreed to take in kittens Seven, Eight, Nine, and Ten, along with their mother Eleven. The next morning the friend called to say there were two more kittens she had missed, so we also brought in Twelve and Thirteen.

Playing Kitten Whack-a-mole

So here’s the funny story about kittens I promised you. We had to take the mother and kittens to the vet. But we realized that the people who adopted Six/Buckley had borrowed our cat carrier, and hadn’t yet returned it because of COVID/social distancing. So I ordered one from Petco for curbside pickup.

Unfortunately, because we’re in the middle of nowhere, the nearest Petco is an hour away. After I made the drive, I realized I had placed the order at the wrong Petco, so then I had to drive another 45 minutes to the right Petco. By the time I got home with the carrier, it was only a few minutes before we had to leave for the vet. At which point we looked at the new carrier and realized it was on the small side, and there was no way we could fit the mother and all six kittens in it.

I hastily grabbed a cardboard box, and cut air holes in it, so we could put the mother in the carrier and the kittens in the box.

As we were driving to the vet, my wife was holding the box of kittens. That’s when we discovered that in my haste, I had cut the air holes too big. The kittens could fit their heads through the holes, which meant that with effort and determination, they could wriggle through entirely.

So then we had this ridiculous situation where my wife had a box of kittens on her lap, and as we’re driving she had to play kitten whack-a-mole, where every time one stuck its head through a hole, she had to push it back in.

Kitten Whack-A-Mole – EXTREME Version

The vet employees came and got the animals from us once we parked, since their COVID procedures were keeping everyone out of the waiting room. My wife needed to get back to work, so I took her home, and returned to the vet to wait for them to finish with the cats.

When the vet was finished, they put the carrier with Momma Eleven and the box with the six kittens in the back of our minivan. I pulled out of the parking space and started to drive away. Then I remembered the whole situation with the kittens trying to get out of the box. I decided it would be better to keep the box up front so I could keep an eye on them.

I parked two spaces down, got out of the minivan, and looked in the back. In the time it had taken me to pull out, drive two spaces, park, and get out to look in the back, one of the kittens had managed to wriggle three quarters of the way out of the box. So then I had to gently stuff him back in without hurting him. Of course while I was doing that, other kittens were trying to get out of other holes, so I had to stuff them back in too.

I finally managed to stuff them all in and get the box of kittens on the passenger seat. Then I had to drive home, while keeping an eye on the box, and constantly reaching over to push kitty heads back in. This was truly an unsafe way to be driving.

So there I was, one eye on the road, one on the box. Or honestly, one and a half eyes on the box and half an eye on the road. I was thinking, “Man, I really want to be home and not in this situation.” Then suddenly I looked up and thought, “Where the hell am I?” Nothing looked familiar.

Then I realized I had been so focused on keeping the kittens in the box and wishing I was at home that I had driven right past our house. So then I had to turn around, on a narrow street, with a van that does not have a good turning radius, while simultaneously struggling to push kitten faces into the box.

I finally made it home safely, with every kitten accounted for. So that was stressful. But they’re adorable and worth it.

Also, if you’re in Western Tennessee and interested in adopting some kittens, let me know.